Stand up for Tolerance: 10th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is the 10th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance, dedicated to all those transgender folks who died as a result of anti-transgender violence. Thankfully, I have never lost a loved one to such an act of violence; but, I would never forgive myself if I had not spoken up and taken a stand on what I see as a growing battle between tolerance and hate.

Background
I have a sibling who was born with all the female chromosomes and body parts. Ever since she was a child (3 to 4 years old) she preferred boy haircuts and clothes. We all thought it was a phase she would grow out of, but she never did. She came out to us, her family, as a lesbian in her late teens, then about a year ago she informed us that she has realized and accepted her transgender FtM identity.

I’m still relatively new to all this and should preface my remarks by saying that the news of my sister becoming my FtM brother completely rocked my world and challenged many (if not all) of my preconceived notions about gender, sex and identity. I still get tripped up all the time on the he’s and she’s and her’s versus his. Nevertheless, it’s important to me that I take the necessary steps to overcome my own ignorance and to let my brother know how much I truly love him.

What is Gender?
For those new to transgender terminology (like me), I think Sharon Vaughn defines the basics fairly well:

(begin quote)

• Gender is innate. It consists of a person’s internal awareness based on neuro-biological conditions in the brain and central nervous system.

• Sex is anatomical. It involves the determination of female or male on the basis of genitalia. Intersex people can have the physical attributes of both sexes. Typically, the characteristics of one sex can be more pronounced than the other, but there can be a great deal of ambiguity.
• Presentation is window dressing. It is the outward expression of one’s inner sensibilities, given one’s anatomical features and social practices.

(end quote)

My brother is taking testosterone, has facial hair and these days could probably kick my ass in a real fight. His gender (”internal awareness based on neuro-biological conditions in the brain and central nervous system”) is definitely male.

Growing up he was often referred to as a boy by those who didn’t know him. These days, I think that happens even more frequently as his ‘presentation‘ is definitely male. If you were to see him, you would not hesitate in identifying him as a man.

To Hell and Back
Coming to terms with being a transman wasn’t a “decision” my brother made willy-nilly. It was a realization that took time and much soul-searching. He’s seen a myriad of doctors and counselors, psychologists and therapists. He’s spent years filled with tearful, sleepless nights agonizing over the cruel twist of fate of being born a man with female anatomy. I can’t even begin to imagine the hell he’s suffered in trying to come to terms with his own body and his own soul.

He’s come a long way in his journey of self-discovery and like most of us, is still on the path. For me, he always has been and remains one of the most intelligent, witty and down-to-earth people I know. I named my daughter after him and hope that in many ways she (my daughter) strives to emulate his goodness, compassion and courage.

Taking a Stand
I shudder to think that my daughters will grow up in a world filled with the kind of prejudice that kills so many transgender individuals each year, so I am compelled to publicly stand and advocate for tolerance and respect. Regardless of your political or religious views, surely we can all agree that bigotry and hate are values we don’t want in our homes or our communities, can’t we?
~ ~
*Dedicated to all those who have lost their lives to anti-transgender hatred.

Source